


From the Desk of Elias Bouchard

by glitter_bitch



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Office Pranks, Revenge, an attempt was made, humor?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24145975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitter_bitch/pseuds/glitter_bitch
Summary: Dear Timothy Stoker,Ever since the infestation incident earlier this year, your performance has been dismal to say the least. I understand that you are going through a difficult time, but we are all in the same boat here. I have taken the liberty of providing several examples of your recent out of line behavior that need to be corrected as soon as possible.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	From the Desk of Elias Bouchard

_Taken from a sheet of official Magnus Institute letterhead found crumpled in the waste basket of the employees lounge:_

From the desk of Elias Bouchard,

Head of the Magnus Institute

Dear Timothy Stoker,

Ever since the infestation incident earlier this year, your performance has been dismal to say the least. I understand that you are going through a difficult time, but we are all in the same boat here, and going through the same changes. I also understand that it can be hard to incorporate feedback into your daily work, when said feedback is not specific, so I have taken the liberty of providing several examples of your recent out of line behavior that need to be corrected as soon as possible:

  1. Wearing pajamas to work. I try my best to ensure a fun and open attitude around the office, but we _are_ a place of business, and as such we _do_ have a dress code. Please do your best to follow it.
  2. Misuse of Institute resources. I understand that the tape recorders are interesting gadgets, but there is no need to set them all running at once, especially when nothing is actually being recorded.
  3. Sticking gum under the rim of the counters and desks, specifically my desk. There are a plethora of rubbish bins available to you, please make use of them.
  4. Placing apparently hand-painted signs reading, "the Magnus Institute is haunted. DO NOT ENTER!!" up and down the street for blocks. It slowed traffic in and out of our doors considerably for a week before we managed to collect and dispose of them all. I'm sure you feel just awful that you have prevented some individuals from coming in and getting the help they need to deal with their traumatic life experiences.
  5. Deliberately loosening the bolts on my office chair so that it would collapse under my weight. Granted, I have no actual proof that this was you, but given your track record, I feel safe assuming. Intentionally placing your co-workers in danger is no laughing matter.
  6. Rigging the intercom to play nothing but Caramelldansen at full volume for an entire day. While I did notice and appreciate Sasha and Martin’s initiative in turning it into a team-building exercise (I have always found dance to be an excellent interpersonal connector), it was extremely disruptive to the work ethic in the office, and we ended up losing valuable time that could have been spent doing Institute work. I am not opposed to music in the workplace, but please try to limit it to break time in the future.
  7. Getting the entire staff to sign a blank card for my birthday and instead deciding to write "eat shit and die" on the inside. I hope this one doesn't need an explanation.



The list could go on, but I do think I've made my point.

I try to run this office in an open manner- let it not be said I am not accommodating. However, your behavior has been absolutely unacceptable, and it will need modifying if the Institute is to continue its mission in the most efficient manner. Remember, there is no ‘I’ in team.

I look forward to your adjustments and our return to a normal office environment once again. 

Sincerely,

Elias Bouchard

Head of the Magnus Institute

  
*****

_Taken from a post-it note found in a pile labelled ‘recycling’, in the office of Elias Bouchard:_

Dearest Mr. Bouchard,

No. Suck my dick.

Yours,

Tim Stoker

P.S. enjoy the art, you insufferable prick

_(Attached was an incredibly crude drawing, which has not been included due to it’s… sensitive nature)_

**Author's Note:**

> real glad Tim finally got to go on that kayaking trip he deserves it :)


End file.
